Life of a Teenaged Yoshi
by JMSYoshi
Summary: Yoshi attends a high school known as Mushroom High, where he struggles to get through each day without being trampled in the halls... or worse. However, little does he know that this school is different... and could change his future as a whole. (an AU of the Super Mario Bros games. Contains swearing and a very sarcastic version of Yoshi.)
1. Chapter 1

I never really understood why we need school in the first place. You basically sit around in classrooms and hallways for seven hours and listen to people scream the reasons you're not good enough to achieve anything at you.

Those thoughts are really coming back now, as I'm standing in front of the weird-looking high school my mom dumped me in front of and expected me to be okay going to… Mushroom High. At least, I think that's what the sign says, the letters are so dilapidated and worn out I can only really make out a couple of the letters. Right afterwards some asshole shoves me aside and tells me to move. I narrow my eyes at them. Being a yoshi, everyone feels the need to treat me like shit. Either that or it's because I'm not one of those ridiculously buff jock guys that everyone seems to like for no reason. Whatever the reason is, it's dumb.

I finally walk inside, trying to find where my locker is in this hellhole. Already people are getting into their groups of friends, and I'm alone.

I finally find the accursed metal lump of crap and dump my stuff inside haphazardly. I really don't have a reason to care whether it's clean or not. In middle school I held the record for the most shittily-organized locker in school. I don't plan to screw up that streak in high school.

It's not like anyone else cares what I'm doing, anyway. Not very many people seem to acknowledge my existence. It used to bother me when I was a little kid, when my life was still all sunshine and rainbows, and crap like that. But now? I honestly don't give two shits about it. I quite like being the little fish in the big pond, actually. At least there's less trouble that comes when only about five people know your name.

Speaking of trouble, one of my only friends, Toad, runs past me at breakneck speed. He's a toad, and, like me, was also named the most common name of his race, because both of our parents are idiots. So, being a toad, he's short and kind of chubby, and he's kind of got baby-face syndrome. When he runs past, a bunch of notebooks and pencils fly out of his unzipped backpack, and he's screaming something. I can't figure out who or what he's frantically screeching about in his raspy voice until I see Bowser himself at the end of the hallway.

Once an asshole, always an asshole, apparently.

Bowser was the one kid in elementary and middle school who would go out of his way to hurt people, be it physically or mentally. I've never liked him, since I was an honorary victim a lot of times, and also the fact that people like him make me want to puke. I can already taste my own vomit rising in my throat. Not out of fear, but disgust. It tastes horrible. I swallow the bile back down, not wanting to throw up in front of everyone on the first day of school. That would just be embarrassing.

Bowser almost walks past me, then spots me out of the corner of his eye and turns to face me. Oh my lord, he's somehow gotten even uglier than the last time I saw him. I almost cringe, but catch myself. I'd rather not get flattened by someone who's two or three times my size and ten times my weight.

He gets closer to me, forcing me to back up against my own locker. His breath reeks of rotting milk and assorted other garbage he pumped into his fat self this morning, making my urge to throw up even worse due to my sensitive sense of smell.

"Move, you piece of shit," he growls. "You're standing in front of my locker."

I look over to where his gaze is going. It's locked on the locker next to mine. Of course. I have to share a space with the biggest asshole I ever met every morning for nine months. I frown a bit, then move to the side as told. He grins. "A coward like always," he remarks. I say nothing. It's not like I care anyway. I sling my backpack over my shoulder.

"What's the matter, you little bitch? Cat got your long-ass tongue?" Bowser continued, trying to make me react. I still say nothing, walking away. I've been around this asshole long enough to know that he just likes to make people feel like shit. So I choose to not let his remarks bother me.

"Hey!" He growls, following me as I walk down the hallway. "Answer me, you bastard!"

I grit my teeth and walk faster. Bowser quickens his pace, too, stomping after me. "You think you're all edgy now because you're dad's dead, Yoshi?" he snarls at me. He seems pissed off that I'm not answering him. "Not at all," I reply instead of punching him. "I'm just sick of smelling your moldy milk breath that you're too dense to notice you have."

Bowser reels back, not expecting me to insult him. He was probably expecting me to start crying, the sadistic bastard. I've grown numb to him insulting me. If anyone else mentioned my father in an insult, I probably would have punched them. But Bowser? He's old news. He stopped getting to me in seventh grade. I smirk a bit as his face when I get far enough away from him. Toad peeps out from a wall. "He's gone, right?" he asks meekly. He's one of Bowser's main targets, so of course he's scared. I nod, then add, "For now. Anyway, we should probably get moving. He's probably going to try to find me and knock my teeth out for that. And I don't even know what you tried to do."

Toad blinks at me in a confused manner, then says, "I just said that he should watch his language," he says. I facepalm, shake my head, and blindly try to search for my first class.

After getting there I sit down and shut up, not wanting to draw any attention to myself. I sit awkwardly through the rest of my classes up until lunch, snarf down my food, and prepare to leave…

At least until Bowser suddenly steps in front of me. "You know that little stunt you pulled earlier?" he growls. I remain silent.

That is, until he punches me in the side of the face, hard.

My head snaps to the side from the force of the blow and I fall awkwardly onto the floor with a small grunt. "Stop being such a smartass. I know you're a weak little bitch like your dumb friends, Yoshi… stop hiding it. You're only fooling yourself. You're just a dumb yoshi."

I'm still on the floor. My head hurts, the whole world is spinning and I feel like I'm going to throw up. He might have given me a concussion just from that one blow.

And the other kids? They're either staring at me or completely minding their own business. Except for one girl who comes to help me.

She kneels to my height so I can see her. In front of me crouches an angel. The girl in question has long, platinum blonde hair with the bangs swept over one eye, she's wearing a light blue turtleneck and a denim skirt with leggings and some kind of shoes I'm too poor to know the brand of. "Hey… are you alright…?" she asks.

Damnit. Even her voice is amazing.

I try to shake off the cobwebs in my head. "U-uh… yeah…" I say, touching a hand to my now bruised cheek. I taste blood. MY blood. That overgrown turtle punched me in the face so hard my own teeth cut the inside of my mouth.

She helps me up. "He hit you pretty hard…" she says, trying to start up a conversation to make it less awkward. Now that we're standing, somehow it's even MORE awkward because she's probably two heads taller than me.

I rub my cheek. My face burns from the pain of the wound I received, and also embarrassment. "Yeah…" I reply. "He does this a lot… to a lot of other people."

The girl sighs. "I know. I've seen it. I really wish people wouldn't hurt each other like that…"

She continues talking to me. WHY is she bothering with talking to me? ME?! Because, last time I checked, yoshies like me aren't really considered sexy. Probably more on the lines of what-the-hell-is-that-oh-lord-kill-it kind of responses. Meanwhile, this girl is probably the most attractive person I've ever met. I try to smile and keep up with the conversation, but smiling is a bit hard when you've got a bruise the size of a small melon swelling up. She notices how bad it is after a while.

"You should… probably go to the nurse for that…" she says after a while of completely unbroken, awkward silence.

I nod. "Uh… by the way… I never got your name… I'm Yoshi," I say. Then I faceplam myself in my head. The hell are you DOING?! She's never going to even want to be associated with you, AT ALL. Especially since she saw you get your ass handed to you by a fat turtle!

The girl smiles. "Oh… my name…? I'm Rosalina," she says. Of course that's her name. I wouldn't expect anything less from a girl like her. Her parents are naming experts, unlike any yoshi in existence. My dad's name was literally "Yoshiro", basically the dumbest name on the planet.

Rosalina smiles at me. For some reason, it makes me feel warm inside. It feels… nice. Great. Literally the first day of school and I'm already freaking out over a girl that is most definitely WAY out of my league. I want to be mad at myself, but I can't. Instead, I continue to stand there like an idiot as she asks me if I know where the nurse's office is from where we are. I shake my head like a complete dork.

"You go down that hall there, take a left, go up the stairs, and it's right next to the principal's office," she says in the calmest voice I've ever heard.

"Ok… thanks a lot. For helping me and stuff…" I say like the awkward, sorry bastard I am. She smiles again. "No problem. I'll see you later, Yoshi," she says, then walks down the hall away from me. I keep staring like a lovesick dog until she's out of sight, then make my way to the nurse's office.

Literally all the nurse does is give me a bag of ice to stop the swelling, then send me back to class. I'm guessing she's the type of lady who'd try to fix a bullet to the head with a band aid.

I slouch in my chair with the ice pack pressed to my face. I have to admit, it feels pretty good, until later when I nearly freeze the skin on my cheek off. I eat the rest of the unmelted ice chunks while everyone in class stares at me.

After more boring classes, the final bell rings and everyone goes nuts trying to get outside to the bus, basically meaning more people shoving me into the walls.

Once I get off of the bus, I walk into my house. It's a tiny little place, meant for only one or two people. Which is good, considering that it's just me and my mom living alone. Yep. I'm an only child.

I open the door, chuck my backpack onto the floor and collapse onto the couch like the tired, lovestruck, in-pain sad sack I am. I remain there for several hours until my mom gets back from work.

"Yoshi, I'm home!" She calls, probably expecting me to be upstairs in my room, but gets startled when I raise my head tiredly off of the couch. She of course freaks out over the bruise on my face.

"What happened…?" she murmurs quietly, examining my face closely as if it were a crime scene. Which, in a sense, it kind of is. I run my tongue across the cut on the inside of my cheek. It still tastes like blood.

"Bowser punched me in the face because I told him he had rotten milk breath," I tell her, she frowns at the sound of his name. "Of course it's Bowser…" she says. She seems to have had about enough of his shit.

Same, mom. Same.

"Also… come on, Yoshi… rotten milk breath? I know you can do better than that. You're MY son," my mom says, giving my shoulders a squeeze. I snicker a bit. My mom's the greatest. She's been able to put up with my crap all of these years without chucking me out of a five story window. Of course I can't help but love her.

"It's true though!" I say, defending myself. "It's like he went over to a garbage disposal full of moldy cheese and chugged the contents!"

My mom laughs, then her face gets solemn. "...if this is really what happened on your first day of school… I'm a little worried about you."

"I'll be alright," I say. Of course I think about Rosalina when I say that. Because of course I do. I'm obsessing over her, and I don't even know her last name or anything.

Later that night, I'm still thinking over everything that happened. I bet Bowser was satisfied because he punched me. So that's a plus, at least he'll leave me alone. I toss and turn for a while. But now what? Of course, I'll have to actually, you know, get to know the girl I met. Eventually, when I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, I fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, staying up late obsessing over random shit that happened was a huge mistake. I'm so tired this morning that I can barely sit still without nearly falling asleep, and my mouth feels like I stuffed about five towels in it overnight. I sit up and stretch, then look at the clock. About 6:45. I've got plenty of time to kill before I have to leave for school.

Once it finally IS time to leave, the bus I'm supposed to get on doesn't even get to my stop until about twenty minutes later than the schedule said it was supposed to. I flip the bus driver the bird while he isn't looking, then sit through the agonizingly slow-paced bus ride. We apparently got the dumbest bus driver on the planet to drive our bus, he gets lost at least eight times before finally figuring out where the school actually is. I mean, I know driving a vehicle as long as a small building full of ungrateful little assholes is hard, but come on, guy. At least TRY. I remedy the slowness of the ride by repeatedly falling asleep, then snapping awake again.

Once we actually GET to the school, I'm late for my first class. Of course I am. And, of course, because I have the shittiest luck on the planet, the teacher doesn't pardon me for the dumbass bus driver's mistakes. She practically stares bullets into my head while she tells me to sit down. Not even an "oh that's alright," or anything. She basically tells me to sit down and shut up and leaves it at that, while also creepily death-staring me. If looks could kill, I would have burnt up into ashes from that stare.

I slouch in my chair, reminding myself to forever hold a grudge with that retarded driver. I'm not even going to pay attention in class, though. I've stopped trying hard in math a while back. I've never been good at many things that are math-related. Recently, my mom actually figured that out and left me alone about the accursed subject. I "take notes", meaning I just doodle in my notebook. I've never been the best at drawing, either, but hey. It's something else to do. At least I'm not melting my brain out of my skull trying to figure out equations I'll never even USE. You don't need to know how to prove that two triangles are exactly the same to be a warrior.

Yes. You heard me correctly. That's what I ACTUALLY what I want to do with my life. Why? Well… first of all, nobody really thinks yoshies like myself are actually capable fighters. My race has always been kind of looked down upon in the fighting community. We're usually seen as pretty defenseless, when that's actually the complete OPPOSITE case. I should know. My father was a warrior. If only he hadn't ran off and died somewhere. Then he'd actually be able to train me himself. I wouldn't even have had to go through all of this other useless garbage to get to the actual fighting classes. I've trained myself as best as I can, but I've kind of reached the limit of what I can teach myself. Now, I'm at that point where I need to learn from other people.

I impatiently tap my finger on my desk while the teacher talks about shit I don't care about, glancing around the room. I almost start choking on the air when I see who's in class with me.

Rosalina.

Of course she is. I didn't even notice her yesterday until she helped me out with the whole Bowser-decking-me-across-the-face situation.

The girl herself is taking notes in a seat just diagonal from mine. We're actually relatively close. I don't know how I missed her before. I can see a few of her notes. Her handwriting is neat and refined. I look down at the one equation I've written out to fool the teacher into thinking I was hard at work. My handwriting is pure shit.

After that class I walk out quickly, not wanting the teacher to catch me and keep me after class for being late. I get spooked half to death when I feel a soft hand grab my arm. You can probably guess whose it is by now.

Rosalina smiles at me. "Sorry for scaring you," she says. I feel awkward again.

"Uh… it's fine…" I say. She starts finger-combing her hair. "I've been meaning to talk to you," she says. "I was wondering if you'd like to sit with me at lunch. You seemed pretty lonely yesterday."

I'm internally screaming with delight, but force myself to keep my wall up. I nod. "Sure. It would be way better than sitting around all by myself, anyhow."

Rosalina's grin gets wider. "I guess I'll meet you then," she says. "Bye, Yoshi."

She leaves. As soon as she's out of sight I immediately throw both hands up in the air, internally screaming with happiness the whole time.

When lunch finally comes around, I find her sitting alone. I'm shocked that she doesn't have any friends that she sits with or anything. Our little spot is just us two, sitting against the wall on the floor.

"So… this is where you sit every day?" I ask her. "I mean, it's nice, but… it's kind of lonely here. I would've expected you'd have some friends, with how you're so… nice and stuff…"

Fuck. I apparently CAN'T shut the hell up today. I feel my face grow warm. Rosalina just looks surprised. "I'm nice…?" she asks, as if she doesn't know who she is or what she's doing here. I don't think anyone who goes to this school knows both of those questions, anyway.

I nod like an awkward bobblehead. "I mean… yeah. You were the only one who actually gave a flying crap about me after Sir Douchebag punched me in the face."

She laughs hard at the nickname I gave Bowser. Her laugh is cute. I like it. I'm also shocked that she would ever laugh at something I say.

After she stops laughing, she says, "We should do this every day. You're a lot more fun than my books."

I'm about to ask, "What books?" when she pats a novel next to her. Oh. She's a bookworm. She smiles at the book. "It's about two kingdoms that are war with each other. It's getting SOOO good…"

She goes on and on about the book, but quite honestly, I just like listening to her talk. It's nice to have somebody to talk to that will actually talk my ear off. Unlike all of my other friends, who, now that I think about it, probably weren't very good ones. One of my so called friends would constantly belittle me and stuff. She wasn't a very nice person, despite being royalty and being built up as "the nicest and sweetest a girl can get". Her name? Princess Peach Toadstool, heir to the Mushroom Kingdom.

Speaking of the bitch herself, here she comes now.

Peach herself struts over towards us with an entourage of other bratty, prissy princess-wannabes. She takes one look at Rosalina and says, "Still reading that dumb book? Why don't you do something a NORMAL girl would do and go get some makeup for those zits you have, honey?" she says mockingly, grinning like the bitchy brat she is. She probably gets everything she wants. And… pimples? On Rosalina's face? I hadn't even noticed she had any.

Rosalina looks down at her book, it's on her lap and she's holding it. "Yes," she says matter of factly, "I AM still reading this. What's wrong with reading a little?"

Peach puts a hand on her hip. "Whatever… and you're hanging out with HIM?" she jeers while pointing at me. "You really ARE pathetic…."

I chime in with, "Maybe YOU should read some." Peach turns to face me. "Excuse me?" she says, blinking at me.

I grin. "This IS a school that we're in. Fill that empty void in your head with something," I continue. Rosalina's face is going red from her trying not to laugh. I can hear itty bitty snickers escape. Peach is too dull to notice anything except me right now. Her posse is speaking amongst themselves in whispers.

Peach snatches the book out of Rosalina's hands. She holds it between two fingers like she's holding a bomb, or a rotten orange or something. "Ugh, how OLD is this?!" she asks. "Was this book made at, like, the creation of the world?!"

Rosalina stays silent, staring the bitchy princess down. Peach holds the book haphazardly and throws it in the trash just as somebody throws their food away. "Oops," she says, in mock concern. "Sorry. My hand slipped."

"Bitch."

I say the word coldly, with conviction. Because it's the cold, hard truth. Peach turns to me. "Did I ask you?" she asks. Her voice itself fills me with rage. "What did she ever do to you? You're nothing but a little bitch. I'm guessing after this you're going to go run home to 'King Daddy' and 'Queen Mommy' to tell them that the BIG MEANIE Yoshi is TELLING YOU THE DAMN TRUTH. Go ahead, princess. Tell them. I don't give a shit if they behead me or some medieval shit like that, but LEAVE ROSALINA ALONE," I say, before purposely dumping my chocolate milk all over her stupid shoes.

"MY HEELS!" Peach cries, then runs off with the rest of the bitch squad to go clean them off.

Rosalina just stares, flabbergasted. I look back at her. "What? She wrecked your book, I wrecked her shoes," I say. "I'm not going to let her pick on you like that because you're not like her dumb, brainwashed minions."

Rosalina digs her book out of the garbage can. Some of the pages are wet and gross, the book's ornate cover is covered in food and some of the other pages are ripped.

"I'm sorry about your book," I say, as though I did it. Rosalina smiles sadly. "It's... fine…" she says, and I can tell it's not. She sighs. "Another book gone."

"Wait… another? How long has Peach being doing stuff like this?" I ask. Rosalina shakes her head sadly. "Since middle school. When she got popular," she replies. "I've lost so many of my favorite books this way."

I feel horrible. She's probably spent hundreds of dollars on new books because of Princess Bitch's antics. I clench my fist hard and crush my empty milk carton. Rosalina sits back down with the book in her arms. "I really should stop bringing books to school… but I can't really help it," she says, her voice kind of wavering a bit.

I sit down next to her. "You shouldn't have to stop reading just because Princess Bitch thinks she can-"

Rosalina's giggling. Apparently, the nicknames I giver random assholes from around school are hilarious to her. I smile again. "Maybe Princess Bitch should get together with Sir Douchebag. I bet they'd get along great."

Now we're both laughing. At least until the damn bell interrupts us. "Well, see you around," Rosalina says.

I wave and say goodbye. I'm definitely sitting next to her at lunch every day. I'm going to make sure that Peach never destroys another one of Rosalina's books ever again. It seems to hurt her quite a bit, and, believe it or not, I HATE seeing people hurt like that.

The rest of the day carries out like normal. Later at night, while laying awake and staring at the ceiling, I start to wonder… what does she REALLY think of me? Am I just some rando to her, or am I actually gaining some ground here?

That question keeps me awake for awhile. Then I fall asleep.


End file.
